Employed

Then they said to him, “What must we do, to be doing the works of God?”

Jesus answered them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.”

John 6:28-29

What is the work of God? To believe in Jesus.

A simple answer, perhaps, but for some reason I keep complicating things and making this work harder and harder for myself. Reason? I am juggling two jobs right now: believing God and believing the world.

I am in a strange season with fewer shows and more time to think about what-the-heaven I have gotten myself into. I’ve put all my chips in the Jesus basket, and sometimes I wonder if I’ll come out alive at the end of it all.

I look at my slowly-dwindling bank account and my mind goes to work: You cannot serve both God and money is quickly attacked by another voice: You are being irresponsible–who do you expect will take care of you anyway?

I look at my less-than-full calendar and hear: What are you doing with your life? What a waste! You are just an unemployed mooch–you should be ashamed!… but another quiet voice keeps me going forward: Wait for the Lord. He has gone before and behind you.

Not only do I hear fear-baked voices inside but also through others: You just use ‘the Lord’ as an excuse to do what you want… India?! You’re going to get sold as a slave!… When are you ever going to settle down and be responsible?… All this ‘the Lord’ stuff really turns people off–you need to stop talking so much and show it with your life.

I even listen to well-meaning onlookers who ask the same questions I am: What are you doing next? Where are you staying? How long will this go for? and since I don’t know the answer to any of these questions I start to wonder: Should I know? Is there something I am missing here?

So many voices that all seem to be getting louder, making the work of believing in Jesus a whole lot harder. Especially since his voice often seems so quiet… And yet, it is the only voice that is steady, unchanging, proven. I know which one is his: I am with you. I will never leave you nor forsake you. Trust me. I love you.

So many voices. So much work. And currently I am way overcommitted. Having two jobs is not easy. Believing God and believing the world at the same time is incredibly exhausting. And somehow, even though I know it’s impossible, I keep trying to work for both. But I can’t. Faith in Jesus is a full-time commitment–something has to give. So which is it going to be?

Going back and reading through the different options, I know which voice I want to listen to. I am done living for the world. I choose Jesus. It’s the only job that pays off in the end and the only one that brings me satisfaction in the meantime. I’ve counted up the cost–I don’t care how crazy I seem to everyone else–he’s worth it. And–believe it or not–he’s real and he’s alive. I believe.

Kelsey Cratty
Spoken Word Performer

 

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